I don't know if I'm having the winter blues or deployment blues!! Either way I'm disappointed with myself. I can't seem to shake it. I wish the black cloud hovering over my head would storm already and move on. I'm wondering where the heck is my spirit of adventure and get-up-and-go attitude??? My great-granny has overtaken my body and I want to sit and do nothing, knit hats, and watch the golden girls all night!!!! Aye-yi-yi
Time is just dragging it's feet and the date for soldier to come home is moved yet another week out. Three more inches of snow is coming tonight. I wish I had something deep fried in chocolate right now! I am exausted from lack of sleep..or the ability to sleep...
Yesterday, I cried...on the phone...while talking to Michael. I NEVER do this...I rarely allow myself tears...I don't know why...it's just not easy for me and I tried to hide it on the phone and he could hear the tears in my voice. He figured it must be dreadful for me to be crying about it. Well, I had soooo much on my brain and not enough words...and it all came out in tears instead of words.
I guess the loneliness has caught up with me...funny you can have all the girlfriends you want over and hang out with little people all day, but deep inside you're still lonely!
He strongly suggested that I needed to just get out and shop or something. Well, I argued that it would mean getting dressed and doing my hair and make-up!!! I know a LOT of army wives go out in their pajamas....I just can't do it! I don't think I could pull it off either...I'd constantly be looking over my shoulder for the police to arrest me for indecent exposure!
I feel vulnerable at night....at least I have this space to vent.
You guys make me smile :)