Tuesday, January 18, 2011

singin' the blues

I don't know if I'm having the winter blues or deployment blues!! Either way I'm disappointed with myself. I can't seem to shake it. I wish the black cloud hovering over my head would storm already and move on. I'm wondering where the heck is my spirit of adventure and get-up-and-go attitude??? My great-granny has overtaken my body and I want to sit and do nothing, knit hats, and watch the golden girls all night!!!! Aye-yi-yi

Time is just dragging it's feet and the date for soldier to come home is moved yet another week out. Three more inches of snow is coming tonight. I wish I had something deep fried in chocolate right now! I am exausted from lack of sleep..or the ability to sleep...

Yesterday, I cried...on the phone...while talking to Michael. I NEVER do this...I rarely allow myself tears...I don't know why...it's just not easy for me and I tried to hide it on the phone and he could hear the tears in my voice. He figured it must be dreadful for me to be crying about it. Well, I had soooo much on my brain and not enough words...and it all came out in tears instead of words.

I guess the loneliness has caught up with me...funny you can have all the girlfriends you want over and hang out with little people all day, but deep inside you're still lonely!

He strongly suggested that I needed to just get out and shop or something. Well, I argued that it would mean getting dressed and doing my hair and make-up!!! I know a LOT of army wives go out in their pajamas....I just can't do it! I don't think I could pull it off either...I'd constantly be looking over my shoulder for the police to arrest me for indecent exposure!

I feel vulnerable at night....at least I have this space to vent.

You guys make me smile :)



Annie Hollenbeck said...

I know exactly what you are feeling in this post! You put my thoughts and feelings into words, perfectly. My airman's return was moved 3 times and it took him 3 weeks to finally get home.

Praying for you for strength and endurance during these final days before your soldiers return.

sasicas said...

Hang in there, he's coming home soon! YAY!

Like I've told you over and over the end is the worst, the absolute worst. Time drags on, we get stressed, bored, lonely, annoyed, angry, and a million other emotions.

Now get out of the house, STAY BUSY, its the only way to make it though, if you sit at home and mope (sp?) (and yes Ive been guilty of it too especially at the end of the last deployment) you will be miserable, he will then be miserable, as will the children.

I don't advocate the way-beyond-tacky shopping in your pjs, but really, just throw on a pair of jeans and a shirt and head on out. No one cares how your hair or makeup look and you have already "bagged" your man, so its not like you are out picking up men lol.

So get moving lady, soon enough he will be home and the deployment will be a distant memory, well that is until the next one ;)

Sarah said...

Praying for you Aubrey! I tried calling you back last night twice but never got anyone. I'll try you again today!

Christie Perkins said...

Awwwe! im sooo sorry Aubrey! i dont know what thats like but i sure hope time speeds up for you till he returns! i would take up his offer and go shopping! =) Keep yourself busy! Get out in the sunshine! if only all that snow would gooo away! =)

HOPE said...

He WILL be HOME before you know it!! I always tell myself this when I have to WAIT...PATIENTLY!! and sure enough...when the time comes..it's like that Bible verse..ONE day with the Lord is as a THOUSAND YEARS and a THOUSAND YEARS..as ONE DAY!!!

Before you know it...everyone will be HAPPY and with your new plans...stay busy on that and the fun to come!!

So wish I was close by..We WOULD go thrifting!!!


Loree said...

I seem to be going through something similar. It has just been one thing after another since the new year started and there are times when I just want to sit down and have a good cry.

Ayesha said...

I line up several upbeat theme songs on youtube (Rocky etc...) turn up the volume loud, and the kids & I do my own self created exercise workouts. They have to do whatever I do like simon says....Not only does it get the endorphins flowing but it gets pretty hilarious. Its fun pickin out the different theme songs as well....My heart was beating sooo fast & I was sweating a bit when we finished but it really lifts your spirit as well! Hope this helps---Love You!

Ayesha said...

Ha--I just read your more recent post---guess I was too late.Glad your feeling better!!!

LeAnn said...

...and here I was thinking it is hard when my guy is gone 4 nights of the week. I promise, I'll shut up and pray for you the next time I feel sorry for myself.
Don't be to hard on your self, it's okay to cry sometimes too! Actually good for you, they say.
Anyway, hugs and much love!