Monday, June 7, 2010

Dear Diary.....snoopy...er hubby COME HOME!

Uh yes, I think I WILL have some whine with my cheese
tonight!

Feeling dreadfully alone...in my thoughts,
decisions, parenting, you name it...I'm the one man
band playing on an empty street corner tonight!

It really stinks when I haven't heard from my
soldier in a week! Arggghhh...I wonder all day where
he's at and what he's doing and what he's feeling.
I seem to hold my breath until he calls. He's seems
busier than usual with missions and the calls seem
to get shorter and further apart. When you've been
with someone everyday of your life for 14 years and
suddenly they're gone, it's ...well, it's more to
deal with than I was expecting and I plain don't like
it one little bit! But...I try to tell myself we are
both making sacrifices and doing something much bigger
than ourselves. It's affecting more people than we
realize and hopefully we are doing the best we can with
it.

I think of the men who left their families/wives
who said goodbye to their men in wars past and wonder
if they thought "is this worth it"...yes I'm sure they
did and then they thought on their life and loves they left
behind and counted it so dear to them, they kept marching
onward, because IT was worthy to fight for.

Not only are our soldiers fighting to keep another
9-11 from happening, but their giving others a
chance at freedom and safety in their country. In the
past three months my soldier has been over there, he has
had many people, mostly fathers, come to thank him for
what the American soldiers are doing for them in their
country.

These are thoughts I try to keep in perspective
on days I just want to sit and cry. There are
good days and bad days. Days I'm overly sensitive
and wish people cared more, and days I couldn't care
less and wish I could run away. Recently however,
I have found joy in just going out of my way whether
I feel like it or not to help others. It's less focus
on me and what I'm feeling and more about what
I can bring to someone else's life.

Have you ever wondered when someone offers you to call
them if you ever need anything...do they really
mean it, or are they feeling guilty, maybe it just felt
good for them to hear themselves say it, not that they
ever had any intention on calling or doing anything. I
wonder if anyone's ever felt that way when I've "selflessly"
volunteered myself? Well, it's been my personal goal
to try to be more sensitive to other people's needs and
not say anything unless I really intend to help
the person and that I really care and I won't just say
"I'm praying for you" , but I will sincerely pray
for you! That I won't wait for them to HAVE to ask,
but I will put myself out there and call them or
volunteer to do something. I know what it's like
to hear someone offer to help with laundry ect, and
you know you couldn't ever bring yourself to ASKING
anyone to help you with the laundry, meals, ect.
So I will try to ask if I can, instead of offhandedly
offering and expecting them to have to do the calling!!!!
Cuz I know how hard it would be for me to have to ask that
person that offered.......just sayin'

Did I make any sense? Maybe it's PMS that I'm rambling
on...anyway, it's better than keeping it all bottled
inside. With my soldier gone, sometimes I feel like
my thoughts are screaming and bouncing off walls, because
he's not here to download on. So I have you :D I cherish
your comments...what are you thinking?

Army Wife~

7 comments:

HOPE said...

GOD knows and hears it all...thank goodness HE is ALWAYS with us...never leaves us nor forsakes us! My favorite verse for this is Isaiah 41:10

It is good to reflect on the very essence of WHY our soldiers are who they are...As we look not only down in history..but the OLD testament..battles wrought victories..and the purpose was always to finally obtain some peace..and GOD was always in the midst of the battles! Numbers mean nothing with GOD..it is all about HIM and his mighty hand. Each soldier ..I pray..knows this and has the confidence of prayer..and trust with faith.

The struggles of LIFE...give us character...strength and purpose. As Christians...the LIGHT to SHINE is ever brighter in the midst of these trials.

I Peter 1:7 That the trial of your faith being more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ...

One day...in GLORY..it will truly be WORTH IT ALL!

HUGS with all my love..
MOM

Sarah said...

I'm thinking maybe I should come for a visit this week ;)

J.H said...

Aubrey, I am sorry to hear you miss your soldier terribly. And I am sorry I am too far or else I can pop to your place and give you a hug.

Parchey Family said...

Aubrey,

Deployments are very hard and there are times that you feel alone and feel like no one can understand how you are feeling. I really believe that until you have experienced it you can never know how it will impact your day to day life. And it is very hard for others to truly understand. There are people who believe we should just deal with it because we knew what we were getting ourselves into. Well nothing can truly prepare you for this journey and there is no way I would have ever changed my decision to marry my husband just because he was in the Army. Just know there are people out there who are thinking about you and your family and understand your everyday struggles and thoughts. Angie

Jessica said...

Hey girl,

I am so sorry you are sad right now! Just know that the sacrifices your family are making are not forgotten and are appreciated! You need something to occupy your mind, so pick a day, anyday and come over for a visit, a snuggle with the baby is sure to lift your spirits! See you soon!

Kelly Johnson said...

Aubrey, I typed a note in this morning here, but it disappeared. I'm praying for you. I remember those days during the first gulf war! I watched CNN, great source I know, just to see if they would tell me what was happening. My family appreciates you and your sacrifice. We do not take you and your loneliness for granted! Love and prayers.

carla said...

I'm thinking how much I admire those who serve and their families who also serve by supporting them. My husband and I met about 8 months after his discharge from the Navy (with off-shore service in VietNam), so I never had to wait and wonder and be lonely. But I wonder if I could've done it, because we almost never spend time apart and we like it that way. Would I have made a good military wife? I don't know, but I'd like to think so.