Dear Diary.....snoopy...er hubby COME HOME!

Uh yes, I think I WILL have some whine with my cheese
tonight!

Feeling dreadfully alone...in my thoughts,
decisions, parenting, you name it...I'm the one man
band playing on an empty street corner tonight!

It really stinks when I haven't heard from my
soldier in a week! Arggghhh...I wonder all day where
he's at and what he's doing and what he's feeling.
I seem to hold my breath until he calls. He's seems
busier than usual with missions and the calls seem
to get shorter and further apart. When you've been
with someone everyday of your life for 14 years and
suddenly they're gone, it's ...well, it's more to
deal with than I was expecting and I plain don't like
it one little bit! But...I try to tell myself we are
both making sacrifices and doing something much bigger
than ourselves. It's affecting more people than we
realize and hopefully we are doing the best we can with
it.

I think of the men who left their families/wives
who said goodbye to their men in wars past and wonder
if they thought "is this worth it"...yes I'm sure they
did and then they thought on their life and loves they left
behind and counted it so dear to them, they kept marching
onward, because IT was worthy to fight for.

Not only are our soldiers fighting to keep another
9-11 from happening, but their giving others a
chance at freedom and safety in their country. In the
past three months my soldier has been over there, he has
had many people, mostly fathers, come to thank him for
what the American soldiers are doing for them in their
country.

These are thoughts I try to keep in perspective
on days I just want to sit and cry. There are
good days and bad days. Days I'm overly sensitive
and wish people cared more, and days I couldn't care
less and wish I could run away. Recently however,
I have found joy in just going out of my way whether
I feel like it or not to help others. It's less focus
on me and what I'm feeling and more about what
I can bring to someone else's life.

Have you ever wondered when someone offers you to call
them if you ever need anything...do they really
mean it, or are they feeling guilty, maybe it just felt
good for them to hear themselves say it, not that they
ever had any intention on calling or doing anything. I
wonder if anyone's ever felt that way when I've "selflessly"
volunteered myself? Well, it's been my personal goal
to try to be more sensitive to other people's needs and
not say anything unless I really intend to help
the person and that I really care and I won't just say
"I'm praying for you" , but I will sincerely pray
for you! That I won't wait for them to HAVE to ask,
but I will put myself out there and call them or
volunteer to do something. I know what it's like
to hear someone offer to help with laundry ect, and
you know you couldn't ever bring yourself to ASKING
anyone to help you with the laundry, meals, ect.
So I will try to ask if I can, instead of offhandedly
offering and expecting them to have to do the calling!!!!
Cuz I know how hard it would be for me to have to ask that
person that offered.......just sayin'

Did I make any sense? Maybe it's PMS that I'm rambling
on...anyway, it's better than keeping it all bottled
inside. With my soldier gone, sometimes I feel like
my thoughts are screaming and bouncing off walls, because
he's not here to download on. So I have you :D I cherish
your comments...what are you thinking?

Army Wife~